blergh!

Pursuant to my ongoing struggles with film consumption as a major movie violence-phobe, as described in this blog entry (about watching the Sopranos), and this prior entry, which details watching The Wire with the use of my friend Will's patented Cinematic Violence Guides for the Very, Very Nervous, I note that I continue, with his help, to tackle films that I've hitherto avoided completely.

To wit: I just watched No Country for Old Men, which I never thought I could do--and really probably haven't, according to some people's definitions:

Even with a Violence Guide on hand, I spent a significant amount of time hiding (behind whatever I could find), playing a few seconds of Scrabble, and hitting the photo button on my computer (hence the above) for a little audio distraction from the "click" sound, and occasionally shrinking the video screen down to two inches high then moving across the room and just listening to the movie. Oh and I made two phone calls and filed my nails.

But through it I did get, and here's Will's No Country for Old Men Violence Guide for anybody else who might suffer from the same problems I do--all five of you. My favorite phrase this time?

If anyone gets hurt in this scene, you don't see it or know it happens. I'm just noting it so you can watch it without worrying you're going to see something bad.

I find that a funny, elegant little description of the kind of ominous foreboding that usually sends me running to the next room before I can ride it out, such as the scene between Javier Bardem and the gas station clerk who doesn't quite realize that the end of his life is being toyed with, which may be the most horribly violent thing in the whole movie. I could barely sit in my seat for that.

Still to come: violence guides for a bunch more movies such as There Will Be Blood and The Ring.