Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thursday Devotional

Let us praise God. O Lord, You are so big, so absolutely huge. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You. Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and barefaced flattery. But You are so strong and, well, just so super. Fantastic. Amen.

Dear [god or God or G-d or Jebus or Goddess or classic American semi-agnostic patchwork of deistic powers involving core protestantism with lazy doses of eastern religion and modern convenient prosperity theology and a lil bit of Oprah despite best efforts or Gaia or Mary or Mother Earth or ancestors or Higher Power or into whatever form it is that atheistic 12-steppers rationalize Higher Power despite careful nomenclature or the Great Attractor or indeed Julia Phillips or that last blue crab hiding in the Chesapeake Bay or Things Beyond My Ken or anybody listening at all]:

A boost, please. A boost, if you please, humbly I seek.

I am thoughtfully not going bananas after being laid up with the same immuno-compromised sinus hell I've fought through every month the last few years, one that knocks me out, removes me from human activity in solid swathes of weeks, pushes me back in my life, every time. Look at all the things I'm not doing, all the convenience stores I'm not robbing and small children I'm not screaming at and boxes of ball bearings I'm not throwing onto busy streets. Look at all the things I am doing, such as hacking, coughing, mouth-breathing, not sleeping and killing off boxes of Kleenexes every couple days--surely for the trees, if nothing else, you would spare me. Think of the trees.

In return I would love...a boost. Some help. Some serendipity, a langiappe, a benison. A mighty meaty finger on the pause button. A tiny little quantum leap. An unexplained improvement. Oh Pliz.

I understand this is all the result of a complicated set of larger problems that I also seek to ameliorate, so in fact I am perhaps asking for too much to shake out at once, but since that's the ultimate goal too, I'll just throw it out there, naked as I wanna be. Any help with any of this would be appreciated.

Be Careful What You Wish For is the equal-and-opposite reaction the universe works in when it comes to specific prayers, so please note I am asking for whatever' Whatever you find best, and I will make it work. Any boost at all!

Yours by the grace of door-to-door grocery deliveries and Kimberly-Clark Global Sales,
I remain,
humbly ever yours--

(awful tired)

Elspeth Eugenie Iphegenia Melissande Scott Dolly Dupuyster von Sputum und Wheeze
[submitted via]

p.s. Hey, how about that koala bear? How neat was that. What a brave lil bearkin.


Anonymous said...

What you ask for, you will receive. I know it. I hold a picture of you in brilliant perfect health.

Demandra said...

I have a story for you about this asking thing, but it's best left to a private convo.

For public consumption, I say to thee: the opening of this post, this request for G-d's help? Oh sweet baby Jesus, I haven't laughed like that in eons. Oh, oh. OH. Bless you, my child.

Once upon I time I suffered from horrible lung and sinus dramas. I was on steroids and inhalers and homicide watch. Turns out, I had a little thing called "asthma" coupled with a little thing called "wheat and dairy allergy." Some hippy put me on an onion and garlic broth concoction that made me fart hateful stink for three days. That, coupled with the lack o' milk and dairy product, made me well.

As an homage to Oprah, I have now declared that this personal experience is Universal Truth, and therefore you have asthma coupled with a wheat and dairy allergy.

You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

GOD: Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If
there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR: Sorry--
GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's
"sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you
doing now!?
ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so
depressing. Now knock it off!
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.