Two-fers.

Two things I want to yell at times when I probably shouldn't:
1) "Oooooo-weeee-eee!," like Charlie Wilson of the Gap Band. Oh I love Charlie Wilson.
2) "SWITCH!," like Bilal--Martin Lawrence--in House Party. When he yells it in the movie characters switch dance partners; I wish you could yell it in real life to move people around when they are annoying you.

Two recent culinary successes:
1) Enormous pot of organic beef cooked with barley and brown basmati rice
2) Shredded lean nitrite-free Canadian bacon in a red wine sauce with pasta

Two things I remember imitating in high school from the movies, both having to do with Richard Gere, which feels weird:
1) Chanting "boDAYshus set of TA-tas" like David Keith in An Officer and a Gentleman
2) Re-enacting the last shot of the horrible (right? wasn't it? is it better than I remember it? nostalgie de la boue) remake of Breathless, when Richard Gere picks the gun off the ground and is freeze-framed as he turns around, crouched to shoot

Two things you can do to save money with toiletries:
1) I am a chronic shampoo harvester and here's how to do it. I like to mix up which shampoos I use (which allows me to buy only when on sale), and when a bottle gets near empty, rather than vainly trying to squeeze out the last bit I let the contents settle, then turn the bottle upside down and let it sit and drain into a wide-necked collection bottle--let gravity do the work and get every bit out. I know it sounds ridiculously penny-pinching, but shampoo's expensive and you'd be surprised how much of it you can collect this way. No shampoo bottle farting noises either.
2) I now keep a salt shaker in my bathroom and use it for warm salt water gargles. It's cheap and nothing seems to work better for keepin all the ductwork clean, you know?

Two least favorite presidents at today's White House luncheon:
1) All the way on the left
2) Third from the left

Two things you can't do:
1) Built a person out of parts (emotionally)
2) Spin the earth back in time like Superman

Two nastiest characters on The Sopranos whose names both start with R and make me want to hiss when I see them:
1) Richie Aprile
2) Ralph Cifaretto